Say "Enough about me; I want to learn about you."

What is the key to getting people to like you? Clients sometimes come to see me because they are lonely due to having a hard time making friends.  They can't figure out how to interact with other people so that they are liked.  There is actually a very simple way to increase the odds that someone will like you...

Ready?  The key to getting people to like you is to let them know that YOU LIKE THEM.

How?  Well, for one thing you can try the addage above.  When meeting a new person say "Enough about me. I want to learn about you."  The trick is to mean it.  When someone is telling you about themselves, try to find something you can relate to or appreciate about the other person and tell them.

Compliments go a long way. Everyone likes to feel good about themselves and know they are appreciated. Try to find a way to compliment a person when you see them whether you know them or not.  Here is something you can try. The next time you see someone compliment them on their choice of hair style, clothes, sense of humor, or taste in fill in the blank. Everyone likes that.  Try to help a person who encounters you feel good about themselves and they are much more likely to have a good feeling about YOU. Give it a try.

"Don't be offended by the truth."

OK, so this is a hard one. Has someone ever told you something you really didn't want to hear?  Maybe in the moment you got really angry.  That's easy to do when we hear things we don't want to acknowledge about ourselves.   Usually the reason we get mad is because there is a part of us that has already considered what we are hearing and we are hoping it isn't true or it's because we are genuinely surprised by the observation.

People who really care about us are put in an awkward position when they can see something by observing us that we can't. Do they tell us and risk us getting mad at them or do they keep their thoughts to themselves and watch us have trouble they know they can help us avoid?

If you hear something about yourself from some one you really trust and it makes you angry, ask yourself why that is happening. Is it because what you heard isn't true or is it because it is true and you don't want it to be. Trust your gut to know the difference.  Instead of being mad at the source of a truth, let's work on coming from a place of gratitude. If you think about it, the person sharing the truth is taking a big risk out of concern for your well being.

"Criticism should rectify errors or improve judgement."

Are you hard on yourself? Is someone else hard on you? Are there people in your life who are constantly telling you what's wrong with you or giving you suggestions on how you "should" do things?  I hear this a lot in my practice. Some times a person can get so used to other people treating them this way that they begin to treat themselves this way too.  For example, they will say things like "I'm so stupid for doing that!" or "I'm really bad at that." How does this make a person feel to hear these kinds of comments or say such things to themselves? How is that helpful?

Let's look instead at the above saying.  "Criticism should rectify errors or improve judgement." There is a place for criticism in our lives.  I actually prefer to call it a "critque."  Why?  Because a critique sounds more helpful than criticism. Feedback can be really useful if it is actually constructive.  It is valuable to know what we have done well in addition to areas we need to improve.

The next time some one is being critical of you or you are doing it to yourself ask "Does this help me in any way and point the way to a better path?"  If not, that criticism failed in its intended purpose. You might want to "critique" whoever is offering the criticism.