tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13281880942728547552024-03-08T12:58:04.723-08:00Recipe for HappinessThe following posts are sayings that most people have heard before. They are taken from the book "8,789 Words of Wisdom" by Barbara Ann Kipfer. There is a reason they have stood the test of time. See if anything fits with your life...Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-21472750385242387962014-09-23T14:07:00.000-07:002014-09-23T14:07:16.107-07:00"Look back and see how far you have come."What did you want to be when you grew up? Did you make it? Are you doing something else now? If so, how come? What has your journey been like? <br />
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Some people are born knowing what they want to do with their lives. In some ways, they are the lucky ones because they don't usually have a lot of false starts. They just put their mind to it and achieve their life's ambition.<br />
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Other people change careers often looking for that one thing that fits them best. For these people, they have all kinds of experiences - some good, some bad. They find out about lots of different things they know they DON'T want to do. They may even pick up an array of different skills that prove useful once they find that elusive "special purpose."<br />
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Which one are you?<br />
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"Look back and see how far you have come."Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-12089628728500598432013-11-13T14:43:00.001-08:002013-11-13T14:43:06.832-08:00"Detours are opportunities to experience new things."Every once in a while a client will tell me about how he or she wanted to be one thing when they grew up but something happened and they are now in a different place. Some times people feel like this makes them some type of "failure."<br />
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I recall a woman who was very bright who got accepted into a prestigious college right after high school. She wanted to go to college very badly but there was a death in her family and she wound up staying at home to help out. Every time she happened to be driving near the college she didn't attend she felt anxious and like a failure.<br />
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However, after exploring what her staying at home had meant to her family and to her she realized there was no other choice for her to make at the time. In addition, her choice of family enriched the relationships around her. Who knows what would have happened had she made another choice? Her life made a detour, but ultimately she experienced a deeper connection with the people she loved most. "Detours are opportunities to experience new things." What detours have you made in your life?Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-40763577695450612892013-09-20T09:00:00.000-07:002013-09-20T09:00:57.212-07:00Write down your fears to make them separate from you.Everyone gets scared from time to time. Fear is actually an important feeling. We need to feel fear to keep us safe from harm. Feeling afraid is our early warning sign that we might be headed for danger. But what if we don't really know the outcome of a situation? <br />
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The down side of fear is that it can become overwhelming and keep us from doing things that we want to do. Fear can keep us from taking any risk at all. If we never take a risk then we can always be reasonably sure of the outcome even if it is not what we really want. Fear can keep us stuck. <br />
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Sometimes it's better to feel our fear and move forward anyway. For example, let's say you have a job interview coming up for a new and exciting position but you feel fear that you might not get hired, you don't have the right clothes, they might not like you, you might be late, etc...<br />
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Here is the good news. You are not your fear. In fact, if you want to try to something new but feel held back by fear, try writing it down. Try writing down as many fears as you have. Look at your list. Which ones make sense? Which ones seem a little over the top? Which ones are worth the risk anyway? Once you have written your fears down, you have just made them s-e-p-a-r-a-t-e from you. You have choice now. It's important to be able to take a more objective look at what's going on inside of us some times. Talking with a trusted friend or a therapist can help you manage your fear and move through it to a more successful life.<br />
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Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-75186757915785550892013-07-18T14:14:00.000-07:002013-07-18T14:14:29.336-07:00"Let go of beliefs that are not true."Have you ever found yourself doing or saying something and realizing your parents or some other influential person did that too? Sometimes that's a comforting realization if it's something we like. Sometimes, though, we find ourselves doing something as adults we swore we would never do!<br />
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Here's a simplistic example. Let's say your parents never approved of dressing in a particular style. You grow up, you get dressed one day, look in the mirror, and say to yourself "I shouldn't be wearing this." You can't quite put your finger on what's wrong with what you are wearing other than you feel there is something wrong with it. You may be operating on automatic messages from your past.<br />
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This happens a lot in therapy. Clients sometimes are living their lives according to outdated rules from their families of origin or messages that no longer fit them as adults. It can be freeing to examine some of these old whisperings to see if they are messages that help or hurt. The saying "Let go of beliefs that are not true." can be quite helpful indeed! A trusted friend or a good therapist can assist you with this. What are your beliefs and are they helpful to you?Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-53337056205009656302013-04-19T10:05:00.000-07:002013-04-19T10:05:48.152-07:00"As long as you are alive, you can still hope."This post is being created the week of the "Boston Marathon" bombings. Once again we have been reminded that life can be hard, and terrible things happen that we are forced to cope with. How are you doing with it all? I don't know about you, but I know some times it seems to me like the amount of nastiness, sorrow, and fear in our world is overwhelming.<br />
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However, when I start to feel like this I notice these feelings are in competition with another deeper part inside. It is the part that feels that most people are good in their core. Even with this latest act of terrorism, if you counted up the number of people who perpetrated this event and compared it to the number of people who demonstrated courage, kindness, and real caring in the face of horror, the reality seems to back up that deeper truth. Being alive means coming in contact with an evil MINORITY some times. How do we cope? We remain hopeful for a better day for the MAJORITY. "As long as you are alive, you can still hope."<br />
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Boston, you have my love.Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-12239301854717722642013-01-04T10:46:00.000-08:002013-04-21T10:07:20.665-07:00Bring flowers inside.<br />
I saw this saying and it made me think of the spring coming right around the corner. When I look at flowers in bloom I am reminded of the natural beauty all around us every day. Flowers tend to brighten up any space and make us feel good (if we are not allergic of course!). This is important.<br />
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We may not have the biggest home or the fanciest place to live, but we can create a space of sanctuary for ourselves. You need a place where you can take a break from the hustle and bustle of the world and just relax and be your true self. <br />
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Sure, but what if you don't live alone and you can't just make your home your own paradise? I recommend to clients that they carve out a space, even if it's just a corner of a room, where they can be surrounded by beauty and peace. This will look different for every person. Maybe for one person it's about pillows, for someone else it's about music, another it's about quiet. Whatever gives you that feeling of inner relaxation, you need a place where you can go to renew and energize. You need to know it's always there. Make it a goal today to create something wonderful for yourself. Bringing flowers inside is a great first step.Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-44184338756402152582012-09-28T12:31:00.000-07:002012-09-30T08:36:32.709-07:00"Say no politely and quickly."I work with people all the time who have a hard time saying "no." Some people feel guilty if they want to say no to someone and they know that person won't like their answer. This can be a huge struggle that can cost someone a feeling of being in control of his or her life.<br />
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For example, let's say a family member would like to spend time with you. You haven't seen this person in a while and it would mean a lot to them. It just so happens that right before that call you made plans with a friend to do something else. What if this family member is really good at expressing their disappointment so it leaves you feeling terrible? What do you do?<br />
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The above expression is good advice. "Say no politely and quickly." The first step is to realize that no else's feelings are MORE important than yours. You have every right to keep the plans with your friend. However, in saying "no" to anyone, we want to recognize that sometimes hearing "no" is harder for some people than others. If you are interacting with a person who tends to get upset, try to say "no" as politely as possible. Let that person know that you care about them and want to see them. Maybe even suggest an alternate time that could work for both of you. What you don't want to do is say "yes" when you want or need to say "no." This can lead to resentment. Say no quickly and politely and then go enjoy your time with your friend!Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-18029640128986659702012-07-24T09:31:00.000-07:002012-07-24T09:31:44.281-07:00"No one can tell you how long you should mourn."Have you ever lost someone who meant a lot to you? Maybe you lost something that was very important. Grief is a very natural response. It is a normal process to go through as we adjust to a meaningful loss. All of our social masks can be stripped away and we can walk around feeling like a raw nerve for a while. <br />
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In my work as a therapist, one of the things I do is help clients through the grief process. This can be a death, the loss of a significant relationship, the ending of a career, the changing of a parenting role as children grow up and leave the home, or any type of major loss.<br />
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Sometimes a person will come to me saying they are concerned that they are still very sad and yet the people around them seem to have moved on or are telling them to move on. This can be a very lonely feeling indeed. However, "No one can tell you how long you should mourn." is a very true statement! There is no one size fits all when it comes to emotions. Everyone grieves at their own pace. The tears we shed say how important this person or situation was to us. Getting support from a patient caring friend, or a therapist can help us through this very normal journey to healing. Are you grieving anything in your life?Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-66717611008869184162012-06-15T11:09:00.000-07:002012-06-15T11:09:02.367-07:00Become a "possibilitarian."Have you ever found yourself saying things like "Oh, that will never happen." or "Oh, that will never work out."?<br />
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Some people think that if they come up with the worst case scenario they will prepare themselves for when things don't work out. It is a common defense strategy. The problem is that it doesn't really work and makes us feel terrible.<br />
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If you think about it when we live as though the worst is the most likely thing to happen we suffer from the worry of it all. Then if we turn out to be right we get to suffer again! Yikes! Who wants to suffer twice?<br />
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What if we were to believe...or at least add to our thoughts what the BEST case scenario might be as well? For example, let's say I have something big coming up (a test? a job interview? a life change of some sort?) and in addition to my "What if this goes wrong?" I add "Hey, but what if this goes RIGHT?" "What would I do if this actually worked out?"<br />
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In the absence of being able to know for sure how a situation will turn out become a "possibilitarian." You are not saying you know for sure how it will go, but what are ALL the possibilities - not just the negative ones? I think you will find you will feel a lot better about life when you practice this simple technique. What are your possibilities?Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-4655499014432121122012-04-26T09:21:00.001-07:002012-04-26T09:24:07.066-07:00"Give snakes the right of way."This is such an interesting saying. I wonder what it means to you... Here is what I thought of: I imagined road rage! Did you think of that too?<br />
Here is what I was thinking. Have you ever been on the road when there is someone doing something really outrageous in front of or behind you? Maybe this driver is even driving so that you feel you are in danger! It seems to me, the safest thing to do is to let them have the road! After all, if I make it home safely, I have won.<br />
Perhaps this idea can be applied more broadly. If you have people or situations in your life that are just plain rotten and there is truly nothing you can really do about it, perhaps it's better just to stay out of the way. That way you can spend your energy on things that are important to you. What do you think?Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-74999135694849422802012-04-03T14:49:00.000-07:002012-04-03T14:49:06.933-07:00"Jot down what you are grateful for."This is really great advice! Take a minute to think about what you are grateful for. Are you relatively healthy? Do you have a particular talent? Do you have good friends? Do you have a roof over your head and food to eat?<br />
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I'll tell you why jotting down what you are grateful for is such a good idea. Some times it feels like NOTHING is going right. We can get really discouraged and down when our plans fail, when friends and/or loved ones disappoint us or we are just having a really LOUSY day...week...month.<br />
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We have all been there. At times like these it can be hard to remember what is good in life...and there is SO much! Think about creating a "gratitude list" when you are feeling good. Take a moment to make a list of at least 5 things you are grateful for. (You get "bonus points" for thinking of more than 5!) Carry this with you. You never know when looking at a list like this could shift you out of a dark mood and pull you back into a lighter mood where you feel better. What are you grateful for?Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-9791315702002218942012-02-21T08:49:00.000-08:002012-02-21T08:49:27.902-08:00"Reinterpret the past."Wow! I just saw this saying and got really excited. How many of us are carrying around pasts that are less than ideal (to be kind about it)? Maybe you had a rotten childhood. Maybe terrible things happened. <br />
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Part of what we do in therapy is we "reinterpret the past." If you think about it, if you grew up being sad, lonely, and/or angry at your family dynamics or due to events in your life, you experienced those things at the age when they happened. For example, let's say you had a sibling that bullied you or your parents didn't give you what you needed. Your memory of those events are from say 5 to 18? Our brains are not fully formed until we are 25.<br />
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It could very well be that if you look back as an adult on what happened you can have a much better understanding of what was going on at the time. You can do this with a trusted friend or a therapist. Think about what happened as if you were pulling a camera back to get a larger perspective. You may see things very differently and take some of the sting out of your history through a deeper understanding.Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-27453051924011574352011-12-27T10:54:00.000-08:002011-12-27T10:54:42.253-08:00"From a broken violin, do not expect fine music."Have you ever noticed that some people in your life seem to always make poor choices? This can be especially hard to watch if we really care or even love these people. We keep hoping they will do the right thing only to be disappointed again and again that they have made a bad choice.<br />
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Perhaps the lesson lies in the quote above "From a broken violin, do not expect fine music." Maybe it is our task to accept that some people in our lives just have a different way of being in the world than we do. They could have different values or just different ideas about right and wrong, good and bad. Perhaps the best coping strategy for dealing with people who constantly disappoint is to adjust expectations. All we can do is continue to love and offer support when the ones we care about continue to live their lives in a way we see as less than positive.Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-22262749314098694382011-11-12T08:28:00.000-08:002011-11-12T08:28:38.175-08:00"Be better to your neighbors and you will have better neighbors."Are you one of those people who feel like people are basically good with a few bad apples or rotten with a few good apples? Many people say to me that they don't feel treated very well by the people around them. They will talk about all of the rotten things that people have done to them and point to it as proof that people in general just aren't good.<br />
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If you find yourself among this group, it is important to take a moment to see what you are putting out to the world. I'm not talking about "blaming the victim" if you feel you really have been wronged by someone. I mean that if in general, you feel people react to you with hostility, it is in your best interest to look at how you are presenting yourself to others.<br />
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For example, let's say I go into a store to return an item because it doesn't work. Walking in the door I expect they are not going to take back the item, or maybe even blame me for the defect. I walk up to the counter and the person asks me questions like "Why do you want to return this? When did you buy it? Do you have a receipt? etc..." Maybe they even say it in a crabby way.<br />
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In my mind set I might interpret these questions as this person not wanting to help me at all. I might think they are looking for ways to say they won't take the item back. I might even go to the place of this person doesn't care about my inconvenience they just want to make me go away. This could even confirm for me that people are basically rotten.<br />
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Hold on! It could be that the store has certain policies this person has to follow to allow them to give me my money back. They could be crabby because they were about to go to lunch when I walked in and they didn't have a chance to eat breakfast. Who knows? Maybe they are having a bad day. <br />
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Now let's say I go into that same store expecting they will help me as best they can. I go up to the counter and meet with the same crabby person. Instead of getting irritated I answer the questions understanding they need to protect themselves too. I tell them anything they can do to help me would be appreciated because I believe they want to help me. This person doesn't feel attacked and is much more likely to be nicer to me. If we want people to be kinder to us, we need to be kind first. It is like the old saying: "Be better to your neighbors and you will have better neighbors."Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-64358623186147503862011-10-24T12:25:00.000-07:002011-11-09T12:34:37.880-08:00"Every difficulty in life presents us with an opportunity to use our inner resources."Life can be difficult some times. Can't it? Every once in a while we have troubles. They can seem overwhelming at different periods in our lives. Maybe we are having conflict with friends, family, or co-workers. Maybe we are struggling financially, romantically, or physically.<br />
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In times like these we need to find a way out and up out of the darkness. You are blessed with inner resources that will help you move forward in a better direction. The above quote: "Every difficulty in life presents us with an opportunity to use our inner resources." is important to remember. However, in order to use your inner resources, you have to know what they are. It is good to think about this while you are not having trouble so you can see yourself in a more positive light.<br />
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Take a moment right now to ask yourself, "What do I have going in my favor?" Are you a good listener? Do you have a special talent? Are you basically a good person? Do you strive for the best in your life even though it may fall short once in while? What are your inner resources? Some times writing this down and keeping it with you can help you when you need it most.Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-77410146864597857612011-10-10T15:15:00.000-07:002011-10-10T15:15:50.161-07:00"Believing in yourself is the first step to improving yourself." This is really about self esteem isn't it? You must have some basic confidence to move forward. Everyone gets scared and doubts themselves some times, but ultimately you must believe that you can do whatever you want to do. Self esteem. Some people have it and some people don't. Where does it come from and and how can we get more of it? <br />
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Guess what. You were already born with it!! When we are infants our self esteem is absolutely already there in abundance. If you think about babies, they throw up on themselves, scream, crap on themselves, make a mess, and then hold up their hands and expect to be loved anyway. If that isn't self esteem I don't know what is. As we grow up and experience the world sometimes our self esteem gets knocked around a little. Look inside and release your inner self esteem! It's in there. If you need help, ask three people you trust what they like best about you and what they see as your greatest strengths...Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-3943063024030840142011-10-03T13:03:00.000-07:002011-10-03T13:03:18.448-07:00"Two people can look at one thing and have different opinions."Have you ever felt strongly about something only to have someone close to you say they think or feel completely differently? Our feelings can get really hurt when we think or feel we know the "truth" of something and yet others don't agree at all.<br />
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How can this be? If we can clearly see or we really feel that something is one way, how is it that other people we know don't see it that way? The quote above explains this situation well. "Two people can look at one thing and have different opinions." <br />
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If you find that you are alone in your opinion and you feel strongly about it, it doesn't mean that you are necessarily wrong. It could be that someone else is simply seeing the same thing but having a different opinion. A great way to figure out what you think is to find out what other people think and then decide whether or not you agree.Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-21171933898675843992011-09-26T14:30:00.000-07:002011-09-30T19:46:12.597-07:00"No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings."What are you proud of yourself for? Do you ever feel a little guilty when you feel like you did something good or really well? Lots of people feel like they don't want to be "too prideful." They feel like they are bragging when they acknowledge their own accomplishments.<br />
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So what's wrong with that? Nothing. However people who don't feel comfortable patting themselves on their well deserved backs once in a while also tend to be the same people who can't accept a compliment either. They feel that if they simply say "thank you" when being complimented it means they are being conceded... instead of actually daring to believe the person is right who is saying something nice about them. <br />
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The quote above "No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings." also seems to be saying something more. If your accomplishments truly come from within you and are not motivated by what others think you should do, there is no pride that is too great. What do you think? What do you feel is right for you?Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-36596663533881092532011-09-21T13:25:00.000-07:002011-09-21T13:25:50.587-07:00"Knowledge arrives from failed experiments."Have you ever screwed something up royally that was really important to you? This can be so frustrating especially if you tried to do the best you could and it still wound up a mess. Maybe you were in an important relationship and it went sour? Maybe you did something at work that you really regret? Whatever it was it could leave you feeling like a real failure.<br />
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There are many people out there who are afraid to take risks because they believe they can't deal with the possibility of making a mistake. Some people even learn from their families that it is not a good idea to take risks. Sometimes these messages can be really subtle like someone you trust saying "You know, if you do (<u>fill in the blank with something you really want to try</u>), it could really hurt you." or "You don't want to do that. Only (<u>fill in a negative adjective for a person)</u> do that." Although this trusted person might have the best intentions for your well being, the implied message here is that it is not OK to take risks.<br />
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However, when we try something new that is important to us and we fail, we learn critical information about who we are and what we like and are good at. Sometimes we have to get it wrong, maybe even more than once, in order to figure out what is right for us. The next time you make a huge mistake ask yourself what you learned about you and your life for the future. Taking calculated risks can lead to great gains! So get out there and give yourself permission to fail...and learn!Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-91578049282050010972011-09-20T09:31:00.000-07:002011-09-20T09:31:39.177-07:00"Enemies can be useful."Have you ever had a disagreement with someone to the point where you felt they were your enemy? Maybe someone really wronged you. Maybe they did something so horrible that you could never be around them on purpose again.<br />
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How can the statement "Enemies can be useful." be true? What use is someone you find so awful? Well, if you think about it, in order for someone to become your enemy, you must have cared about them at one point. Are you aware that the opposite of love is not hate? The opposite of love is indifference. If you are harboring intense negative feelings about someone it is probably because they disappointed you in some deep way.<br />
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To make the best "use" of an enemy ask yourself if anyone you know fits this category. Explore what it is about this person that makes you feel this way. What did they do that hurt you so deeply? What does this experience with this person tell you about you and what you need from people you allow into your life in the future? Even bad experiences can be good for us if we know how to "use" them.Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-64668814010148725832011-09-08T15:29:00.000-07:002011-09-08T15:29:38.197-07:00"Every man is the guardian of his own honor."I love this quote. Do you feel like there is someone in your life who is not treating you right? If you are a particularly giving person it can be so frustrating and confusing when someone you really care about doesn't treat you the way you feel you deserve! Sometimes it is a significant other who is taking you for granted or a family member who is not being kind.<br />
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If there is someone in your life like this it might be important to know that we actually teach people how to treat us. What does that mean? Well, it means that if someone doesn't treat you well, and you don't say or do anything about it, that person may not know how much they are hurting you. OK "Miss Smarty" (I mean me) but what if you told this person that they are hurting you by doing (<u>fill in the blank)</u> and they still do it!<br />
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Well, my friend, if someone doesn't respect you enough to care that they are hurting you, it may mean that they don't know how serious you are about your feelings. You might have to show them through your behavior that you are serious if they aren't listening to your words. This is called setting a boundary. You might have to say something like "Now that you know that <u>(fill in the blank)</u> hurts me, if you continue to do it I will be doing <u>(fill in the blank)</u>. This "fill in the blank" may be something like taking a time out, leaving, or whatever you think is a fair consequence for disrespecting your feelings. We can't control other people. We can only communicate our needs and control what we do. Remember, every man is the guardian of his own honor. How will you protect yours?Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-4860712827171817882011-09-02T09:19:00.000-07:002011-09-02T09:19:51.820-07:00"Behavior is a mirror in which everyone shows his image."Have you ever known a person who said one thing and then did another? This can be so frustrating! We think we know something about a person and then we get surprised because they acted in another way.<br />
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If you really want to understand someone make sure you pay attention to their behavior and not just what they say. For example, let's say you are dating someone and they tell you how much they care and then forget your birthday or maybe even something you have planned together and it happens over and over again. They apologize and seem to mean it but it keeps happening. What does that tell you? This person told you how much they care and yet they behave in a way that is confusing because it doesn't seem to match.<br />
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This is tough. Some people really want to be a certain way and they just are not, will not, or can't. The example of the person in the dating situation is like this. It could be that this person really wants to care about you but they just don't have the feelings to back it up. This is why behavior is a mirror in which everyone shows his (or her) image. This doesn't just apply to the dating situation either. This could be true of friends, family, and business associates as well. What does your behavior say about you?<br />
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Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-14465713286339878162011-09-01T16:04:00.000-07:002011-09-01T16:04:14.645-07:00"Hunches are usually based on facts filed just below the conscious level."Have you ever been surprised at how something turned out just as you had a feeling it would? Maybe you felt there was no real way of knowing how things would actually turn out, but something inside you told you it would turn out a particular way?<br />
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In my work I encourage clients to follow their "gut feelings." The quote above is the reason our "gut feelings" are so important to our lives. You have a wealth of feelings and experiences that give you important information when you aren't even consciously trying to tap into it. The older we get, the stronger our hunches can be. Even bad experiences...or perhaps especially bad experiences increase this information we are filing away for future use.<br />
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The next time you have a hunch, follow it. See if you were right or wrong. Even if it turns out you were wrong, chances are the experience could strengthen your "gut feelings" later and make your hunches more accurate.Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-35276569199175683282011-08-22T13:07:00.000-07:002011-08-22T13:07:42.101-07:00"If you doubt an action is just, don't do it."Have you ever been faced with a situation that you were not sure was right for you ...and you didn't know what to do about it? We all face times when we feel uncertain whether we are at work or in our personal lives. Sometimes we ask trusted people for advice or maybe we even try to avoid the situation altogether so we don't have to make a decision.<br />
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How do we know how to handle a situation when we are not sure of the "right" thing to do? I think if you are honest with yourself you will find that the best indication lies right inside of you. It's called a "gut feeling." More often than not we already know the answer for the best way for us to proceed. Maybe the best solution is to seek support for the answer we already know is right. Do you trust your gut or is this an area where you could use some practice?<br />
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Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328188094272854755.post-1876711461128123372011-08-19T10:38:00.000-07:002011-09-11T09:03:37.706-07:00In order to achieve a goal, one must be set.Has anyone every asked you "Where would you like to be in the next five years?" This is a favorite question of job interviewers, parents, and even potential love interests. It can leave a person scratching their head and feeling a little lost. Why are people so interested in what you will be doing in the future? How can anyone know exactly what they will be doing next week let alone five years from now?!<br />
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Well, that's right. We can't know exactly where we will be in the future. Also, there is benefit to living in the present moment. However, present moments create the future. There is a saying "If you aim at nothing you will hit nothing." This is about the above statement that in order to achieve a goal, one must be set.<br />
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Think about your life. What is your best hope for what you would you like to have happen in the future? Think BIG. Only by creating a vision of the future can we start to see how we can possibly get there from here. Ask yourself "What can I do right now that will bring me a little closer to that BIG vision?" Believe it or not you have just set a short term goal to lead you to your bigger one. So...where do you want to be in five years?Gail Desilets, MA, MS, LMFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05583261728767907328noreply@blogger.com