"From a broken violin, do not expect fine music."

Have you ever noticed that some people in your life seem to always make poor choices?  This can be especially hard to watch if we really care or even love these people.  We keep hoping they will do the right thing only to be disappointed again and again that they have made a bad choice.

Perhaps the lesson lies in the quote above "From a broken violin, do not expect fine music." Maybe it is our task to accept that some people in our lives just have a different way of being in the world than we do. They could have different values or just different ideas about right and wrong, good and bad.  Perhaps the best coping strategy for dealing with people who constantly disappoint is to adjust expectations.  All we can do is continue to love and offer support when the ones we care about continue to live their lives in a way we see as less than positive.

"Be better to your neighbors and you will have better neighbors."

Are you one of those people who feel like people are basically good with a few bad apples or rotten with a few good apples?  Many people say to me that they don't feel treated very well by the people around them.  They will talk about all of the rotten things that people have done to them and point to it as proof that people in general just aren't good.

If you find yourself among this group, it is important to take a moment to see what you are putting out to the world.  I'm not talking about "blaming the victim" if you feel you really have been wronged by someone.  I mean that if in general, you feel people react to you with hostility, it is in your best interest to look at how you are presenting yourself to others.

For example, let's say I go into a store to return an item because it doesn't work.  Walking in the door I expect they are not going to take back the item, or maybe even blame me for the defect.  I walk up to the counter and the person asks me questions like "Why do you want to return this?  When did you buy it? Do you have a receipt? etc..."  Maybe they even say it in a crabby way.

In my mind set I might interpret these questions as this person not wanting to help me at all.  I might think they are looking for ways to say they won't take the item back.  I might even go to the place of this person doesn't care about my inconvenience they just want to make me go away.  This could even confirm for me that people are basically rotten.

Hold on!  It could be that the store has certain policies this person has to follow to allow them to give me my money back.  They could be crabby because they were about to go to lunch when I walked in and they didn't have a chance to eat breakfast.  Who knows?  Maybe they are having a bad day. 

Now let's say I go into that same store expecting they will help me as best they can.  I go up to the counter and meet with the same crabby person.  Instead of getting irritated I answer the questions understanding they need to protect themselves too.  I tell them anything they can do to help me would be appreciated because I believe they want to help me.  This person doesn't feel attacked and is much more likely to be nicer to me.  If we want people to be kinder to us, we need to be kind first.  It is like the old saying:  "Be better to your neighbors and you will have better neighbors."

"Every difficulty in life presents us with an opportunity to use our inner resources."

Life can be difficult some times. Can't it?  Every once in a while we have troubles.  They can seem overwhelming at different periods in our lives. Maybe we are having conflict with friends, family, or co-workers.  Maybe we are struggling financially, romantically, or physically.

In times like these we need to find a way out and up out of the darkness.  You are blessed with inner resources that will help you move forward in a better direction. The above quote: "Every difficulty in life presents us with an opportunity to use our inner resources." is important to remember.  However, in order to use your inner resources, you have to know what they are.  It is good to think about this while you are not having trouble so you can see yourself in a more positive light.

Take a moment right now to ask yourself, "What do I have going in my favor?"  Are you a good listener?  Do you have a special talent?  Are you basically a good person?  Do you strive for the best in your life even though it may fall short once in while? What are your inner resources? Some times writing this down and keeping it with you can help you when you need it most.

"Believing in yourself is the first step to improving yourself."

 This is really about self esteem isn't it? You must have some basic confidence to move forward.  Everyone gets scared and doubts themselves some times, but ultimately you must believe that you can do whatever you want to do. Self esteem.  Some people have it and some people don't.  Where does it come from and and how can we get more of it? 

Guess what.  You were already born with it!!  When we are infants our self esteem is absolutely already there in abundance.  If you think about babies, they throw up on themselves, scream, crap on themselves, make a mess, and then hold up their hands and expect to be loved anyway.  If that isn't self esteem I don't know what is.  As we grow up and experience the world sometimes our self esteem gets knocked around a little. Look inside and release your inner self esteem! It's in there. If you need help, ask three people you trust what they like best about you and what they see as your greatest strengths...

"Two people can look at one thing and have different opinions."

Have you ever felt strongly about something only to have someone close to you say they think or feel  completely differently?  Our feelings can get really hurt when we think or feel we know the "truth" of something and yet others don't agree at all.

How can this be? If we can clearly see or we really feel that something is one way, how is it that other people we know don't see it that way? The quote above explains this situation well. "Two people can look at one thing and have different opinions." 

If you find that you are alone in your opinion and you feel strongly about it, it doesn't mean that you are necessarily wrong.  It could be that someone else is simply seeing the same thing but having a different opinion.  A great way to figure out what you think is to find out what other people think and then decide whether or not you agree.

"No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings."

What are you proud of yourself for? Do you ever feel a little guilty when you feel like you did something good or really well? Lots of people feel like they don't want to be "too prideful."  They feel like they are bragging when they acknowledge their own accomplishments.

So what's wrong with that?  Nothing.  However people who don't feel comfortable patting themselves on their well deserved backs once in a while also tend to be the same people who can't accept a compliment either.  They feel that if they simply say "thank you"  when being complimented it means they are being conceded... instead of actually daring to believe the person is right who is saying something nice about them.

The quote above "No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings." also seems to be saying something more.  If your accomplishments truly come from within you and are not motivated by what others think you should do, there is no pride that is too great.  What do you think?  What do you feel is right for you?

"Knowledge arrives from failed experiments."

Have you ever screwed something up royally that was really important to you?  This can be so frustrating especially if you tried to do the best you could and it still wound up a mess. Maybe you were in an important relationship and it went sour?  Maybe you did something at work that you really regret? Whatever it was it could leave you feeling like a real failure.

There are many people out there who are afraid to take risks because they believe they can't deal with the possibility of making a mistake.  Some people even learn from their families that it is not a good idea to take risks.  Sometimes these messages can be really subtle like someone you trust saying  "You know, if you do (fill in the blank with something you really want to try), it could really hurt you." or "You don't want to do that. Only (fill in a negative adjective for a person) do that." Although this trusted person might have the best intentions for your well being, the implied message here is that it is not OK to take risks.

However, when we try something new that is important to us and we fail, we learn critical information about who we are and what we like and are good at. Sometimes we have to get it wrong, maybe even more than once,  in order to figure out what is right for us. The next time you make a huge mistake ask yourself what you learned about you and your life for the future.  Taking calculated risks can lead to great gains! So get out there and give yourself permission to fail...and learn!