Thursday, April 28, 2011

"Love who loves you."

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you are trying to make someone you love return your affection?  This can be so frustrating!  How can it be that this person who you care so deeply for doesn't feel the same way? Well, unfortunately it happens. Some times the object of our desire does not feel the same way about us.

Some people even find this is a pattern in their life.  They find that every time they fall in love that person rejects them in some way. This can be devestating especially when it happens over and over again.  Maybe the solution to this problem lies in the quote "Love those who love you." ?  Maybe we need to raise the bar a little before we give our hearts totally to another? How do you know it's time to give your whole self? What are your requirements that need to be met in order for you to know it's safe to make yourself vulnerable with another?

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

"Every Life Has a Story"

I was at a dinner party last night.  An older woman was telling me that when she was younger she worked in an old age home.  She said the day she interviewed for the job she walked in and saw elderly people suffering and even heard some of them screaming.  She was overwhelmed. It frightened her! She went home feeling like she just couldn't do it.  When the phone rang and she got the job, she was really torn but took the job.  She wound up staying for 11 years. What happened? She began to really get to know these aging people and her heart filled with compassion and care.

This is a really good example of the quote "Every life has a story." As a therapist I witness this every day.  When we experience some one as being crabby chances are that given their same circumstances we would be crabby too! We know we have good reasons for behaving the way we do.  The next time some one is rude and it makes us feel bad, let's stop for a second and wonder if what is behind that behavior is something that might make us act the same way. Why should we?  Because it helps us not take things so personally and can even help us count our blessings.

Friday, April 15, 2011

"Life is Hard by the Yard but a Cinch by the Inch"

Do you procrastinate? Do you feel overwhelmed by a task you have to get done? Maybe you have a tough  day or week ahead.  Maybe you have a big project to do.  We all get worried sometimes that we will "NEVER finish or do ___(fill in the blank)___________!"

There is a saying "Life is hard by the yard but a cinch by the inch."  I believe this is talking about that very mindset.  If you think about it there are very few moments happening right now that we can not handle.  The key to tackling big tasks is to break them down into manageable pieces.  Take that "Y-A-R-D" and turn it into a bunch of "inches" that you can manage.  Be realistic. 

For example (and this is an easy one), let's say you have to clean the bathroom and you don't want to! Who could blame you? Instead of looking at the WHOLE bathroom as a project, why not break it down a little bit?  Always start with the EASIEST thing first.  That way you will feel like you accomplished something and energize yourself to do more. Decide that you are just going to clean the mirror.  Take a break.  If you feel like you can do more, clean the counter, and so on.  The idea is to take large tasks and turn them into doable smaller ones.

Give it a shot.  The next time you are feeling overwhelmed by something that feels HUGE, tell yourself that life is hard by the yard but a cinch by the inch.  Ask yourself what the easiest thing is that you can do right now to get started.  Do it and see if it gives you energy to do more.  I think you will be amazed at how much you can accomplish when you put your mind to it.