Monday, September 26, 2011

"No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings."

What are you proud of yourself for? Do you ever feel a little guilty when you feel like you did something good or really well? Lots of people feel like they don't want to be "too prideful."  They feel like they are bragging when they acknowledge their own accomplishments.

So what's wrong with that?  Nothing.  However people who don't feel comfortable patting themselves on their well deserved backs once in a while also tend to be the same people who can't accept a compliment either.  They feel that if they simply say "thank you"  when being complimented it means they are being conceded... instead of actually daring to believe the person is right who is saying something nice about them.

The quote above "No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings." also seems to be saying something more.  If your accomplishments truly come from within you and are not motivated by what others think you should do, there is no pride that is too great.  What do you think?  What do you feel is right for you?

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

"Knowledge arrives from failed experiments."

Have you ever screwed something up royally that was really important to you?  This can be so frustrating especially if you tried to do the best you could and it still wound up a mess. Maybe you were in an important relationship and it went sour?  Maybe you did something at work that you really regret? Whatever it was it could leave you feeling like a real failure.

There are many people out there who are afraid to take risks because they believe they can't deal with the possibility of making a mistake.  Some people even learn from their families that it is not a good idea to take risks.  Sometimes these messages can be really subtle like someone you trust saying  "You know, if you do (fill in the blank with something you really want to try), it could really hurt you." or "You don't want to do that. Only (fill in a negative adjective for a person) do that." Although this trusted person might have the best intentions for your well being, the implied message here is that it is not OK to take risks.

However, when we try something new that is important to us and we fail, we learn critical information about who we are and what we like and are good at. Sometimes we have to get it wrong, maybe even more than once,  in order to figure out what is right for us. The next time you make a huge mistake ask yourself what you learned about you and your life for the future.  Taking calculated risks can lead to great gains! So get out there and give yourself permission to fail...and learn!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

"Enemies can be useful."

Have you ever had a disagreement with someone to the point where you felt they were your enemy?  Maybe someone really wronged you.  Maybe they did something so horrible that you could never be around them on purpose again.

How can the statement "Enemies can be useful." be true?  What use is someone you find so awful?  Well, if you think about it, in order for someone to become your enemy, you must have cared about them at one point.  Are you aware that the opposite of love is not hate?  The opposite of love is indifference.  If you are harboring intense negative feelings about someone it is probably because they disappointed you in some deep way.

To make the best "use" of an enemy ask yourself if anyone you know fits this category.  Explore what it is about this person that makes you feel this way.  What did they do that hurt you so deeply? What does this experience with this person tell you about you and what you need from people you allow into your life in the future? Even bad experiences can be good for us if we know how to "use" them.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

"Every man is the guardian of his own honor."

I love this quote.  Do you feel like there is someone in your life who is not treating you right?  If you are a particularly giving person it can be so frustrating and confusing when someone you really care about doesn't treat you the way you feel you deserve!  Sometimes it is a significant other who is taking you for granted or a family member who is not being kind.

If there is someone in your life like this it might be important to know that we actually teach people how to treat us.  What does that mean?  Well, it means that if someone doesn't treat you well, and you don't say or do anything about it, that person may not know how much they are hurting you.  OK "Miss Smarty" (I mean me) but what if you told this person that they are hurting you by doing (fill in the blank) and they still do it!

Well, my friend, if someone doesn't respect you enough to care that they are hurting you, it may mean that they don't know how serious you are about your feelings. You might have to show them through your behavior that you are serious if they aren't listening to your words.  This is called setting a boundary.  You might have to say something like "Now that you know that (fill in the blank) hurts me, if you continue to do it I will be doing (fill in the blank). This "fill in the blank" may be something like taking a time out, leaving, or whatever you think is a fair consequence for disrespecting your feelings. We can't control other people.  We can only communicate our needs and control what we do. Remember, every man is the guardian of his own honor.  How will you protect yours?

Friday, September 2, 2011

"Behavior is a mirror in which everyone shows his image."

Have you ever known a person who said one thing and then did another?  This can be so frustrating!  We think we know something about a person and then we get surprised because they acted in another way.

If you really want to understand someone make sure you pay attention to their behavior and not just what they say.  For example, let's say you are dating someone and they tell you how much they care and then forget your birthday or maybe even something you have planned together and it happens over and over again.  They apologize and seem to mean it but it keeps happening. What does that tell you?  This person told you how much they care and yet they behave in a way that is confusing because it doesn't seem to match.

This is tough.   Some people really want to be a certain way and they just are not, will not, or can't.  The example of the person in the dating situation is like this. It could be that this person really wants to care about you but they just don't have the feelings to back it up. This is why behavior is a mirror in which everyone shows his (or her) image.  This doesn't just apply to the dating situation either.  This could be true of friends, family, and business associates as well. What does your behavior say about you?



Thursday, September 1, 2011

"Hunches are usually based on facts filed just below the conscious level."

Have you ever been surprised at how something turned out just as you had a feeling it would?  Maybe you felt there was no real way of knowing how things would actually turn out, but something inside you told you it would turn out a particular way?

In my work I encourage clients to follow their "gut feelings."  The quote above is the reason our "gut feelings" are so important to our lives.  You have a wealth of feelings and experiences that give you important information when you aren't even consciously trying to tap into it.  The older we get, the stronger our hunches can be.  Even bad experiences...or perhaps especially bad experiences increase this information we are filing away for future use.

The next time you have a hunch, follow it.  See if you were right or wrong. Even if it turns out you were wrong, chances are the experience could strengthen your "gut feelings" later and make your hunches more accurate.