It Is Not Things That Disturb Us, But Our Interpretation of Their Significance

What on earth does that mean?  If my home gets destroyed in a fire I'm going to be upset.  Anyone would be upset by such a circumstance.  Is this saying blaming the victim by saying that we can interpret horrible events in our lives differently and not be so unhappy because of them?  Well, sort of. 

Terrible things happen to people all the time.  We may not have any choice over some things that happen to us such as the fire mentioned above.  However, the meaning we give to such traumas can make a difference in the kind of impact such an event has on our lives.

How many times have we seen people creating foundations or becoming speakers warning us about something terrible that has happened to them?  Why do you think they are doing that?  The answer is probably related to the above quote.  If we can give positive meaning to negative things that happen to us we have a much better chance to go on in our lives with greater health and peace.

"Live in the Present"

Do you know anyone who constantly talks about what happened to them in the past?  If you ever saw the movie Napoleon Dynamite the character of Uncle Rico is a great example. In that movie Uncle Rico feels he would be happy if only he could go back to the 1980s so he could relive his high school football days with the wisdom he has now.  He is sure he would be a champion instead of living the drab life he has now.

How about someone who constantly focuses on some future date when everything will turn out the way they want it? I used to know a man who would constantly tell me that on a certain date in the future he should have this bill paid off or be done with a project or have things together in some other way and then life will be good.

So what's wrong with living in the past or living in the future?  Well, one time frame has already past and one is a potential.  What about right now?  If we constantly fixate on what has happened before or what might happen in the future, we can very well miss what is happening right in front of us.  The only moment we have control over is the one right now.  Live in the present if you want your future to be better than your past. Say to yourself  every day "What can I do right now, right this minute, to make things better?"

"There is only one part of your life you can not change: your past."

Have you ever heard this saying?  As a psychotherapist I can tell you that I have really found this to be true.  Many times clients come in with terrible pasts full of horrific childhoods, past trauma, or even a currently bad situation.  What has gone before can really explain a lot about what is happening now. The past can answer the question :WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?

The question HOW DO I CHANGE THINGS? is something different. Some times it feels like things will never get better.  No one can change what has happened before.  If you think about it, the only moment we can do anything about is this one we are expereincing right now.  Changing what you do in this moment changes your future. What would you like to change to lead to a better future?

What is the Recipe for Happiness?

HAPPINESS! Everyone wants to feel good about themselves and their world.  If you are happy now, what is your secret?  If you would like to be happier in your life how can you do it? There is an old saying that the recipe for happiness is SOMETHING TO DO, SOMETHING TO LOVE, and SOMETHING TO HOPE FOR.

SOMETHING TO DO
Some people are miserable in their jobs. Some people find themselves in jobs they hate due to a variety of reasons.  The lucky ones are the people who are able to follow their bliss which can lead to the perfect career for a person... or can at least supplement the work they have to do with a more fulfilling hobby after hours.  What is your bliss?

SOMETHING TO LOVE
Love is such an important emotion.  It makes us feel alive. There are some people who believe the reason we are on this planet is to give and receive love.   Giving of ourselves and being there for others can bring us feelings of satisfaction deep in our souls and help us feel connected to the world. What/who do you love?

SOMETHING TO HOPE FOR
There are people in the world who always believe the worst first.  They think they are being "realistic."  However, when faced with a situation that could go either way...it could go either way.  Hope is as important as being "realistic."  It is natural to want to protect ourselves by preparing for the worst.  However, it is equally if not more important to have balance by including preparing for the best too. What are you hoping for?